Ree Drummond and The Elusive Cookbooks, A Comedy Of Errors

Doesn't that sound like a Nancy Drew mystery?

I love Ree Drummond, the Pioneer Woman. I love her blog and reading about her life. So when I found out she was going to be in Salt Lake City on her cookbook tour, I immediately put it on my calendar and began looking forward to meeting her. Mabye this makes me a big dork, but I was really, really excited to meet Ree.

What actually happened last night still has me shrugging. Alas, Ree and I were not to meet. And those cookbooks? Still elusive to say the least.

I decided to leave a little early because I hadn't yet had a chance to buy her book, as it just came out last week. I thought I would get to the bookstore early, get a copy for myself and for a few friends who don't live in areas where she will be stopping by on her book tour. I also had the kid, and with a kid everything takes just a little longer. So early it was when I left for the 30 minute jaunt to The King's English Bookstore in Salt Lake City. It was dark, even though it was just after 5:00. Damn daylight savings. Excpet I love the sleeping in feeling. But since that feeling is nearly gone. . . damn daylight savings and utter darkness at 5:00pm.

Let's just start by saying I almost was killed on the way down the canyon highway into Salt Lake. A near miss when a semi truck didn't see me and began to move into my lane had my adrenaline going early. Swerving just in time, and nearly hitting the guardrail, we made it out unscathed. We're just fine, thanks for asking. Arriving nearly 45 minutes early, I still found it nearly impossible to park. This bookstore is near the University of Utah, and is basically in a residential area. As I drew closer to the shop, I noticed a horde of people out the door and around the corner. And then up a few blocks.
Now what?? I have a small child with me, and that line looked like it was going to take hours to get through. No matter, I can't even GET IN LINE if I don't find a place to park. Which I finally located only about 10 blocks away.
Sitting in my car I almost didn't get out. Maybe it would just be easier to go home, this was going to take much longer than I expected. And I didn't plan on waiting OUTSIDE. WITH A BABY. It wasn't that cold, but with the darkness, it felt as if it were 10 pm. I wasn't about to stand in a line on a busy street holding a 20 month old child for hours on end. But loving Ree as I do, I figured I should at least asses the situation before I gave up on it. So out I got.

I grabbed my debit card out of my purse (less baggage to carry), shoved it into my diaper bag, grabbed the munckin, locked the door, and stepped right into a pothole, nearly falling down onto the road. My knee got a little scraped up, but the kiddo was still intact. It's very important job as a mother to keep your kids intact. It was dark out there, man! A little shaken, I hiked to the bookstore with the kid on my hip and got in the line to purchase my books. 20 minutes later, with a very squirmy child wanting to get down and throw all the books on the shelves onto the floor, I reached the cashier and requested my books. No problem, that will be $88.15 please. No problem, here's my card. Oh wait, problem. . . .CARD DECLINED. Declined? I have plenty of money in the bank. I used my card a few hours ago. I WORK AT THE BANK. It's your computer, please try agian. DECLINED. What the hell? And remember, I only took the one card out of my purse. My purse that is in my car 10 blocks away in the dark. Ugh.

So. . . .we hike all the way back to the car. Rifle through the purse for my credit card. No credit card. What is going on here?? And to top things off, the munchkin is now screaming for something to eat. Of course he refused dinner when I offered it to him before we left, and has already inhaled all the snacks I brought him. Did I mention it was really dark too? And that my knee is bleeding through my jeans? I needed some time to regain my composure, and the kid needed some dinner. So I buckled him back into his car seat and begin to walk around my car to the driver side. And stepped directly in the huge pothole. Again. Except this time I wasn't so lucky. No, this time I went down like a ton of bricks, cutting my hand, ripping off a nail, badly twisting my ankle and ripping my sweater. And to top THAT off, whatever was on the ground (I couldn't tell it was so stinkin DARK) was now all over my sweater. I was covered in something that looked like small dandelion seeds. And they had all dug themselves into the fabric and were not coming off. Basically I just looked a wreck. Like I had spent the last hour rolling around in hay and seeds. Really lovely.

Wanting to get the hell out of there, we drove to a nearby restaurant. Worried about my card not working there too, I searched one last time for my lost credit card, and finally located it UNDER THE DRIVERS SEAT. Apparently the munchkin threw my wallet and lots of other things out of my purse on the way down. Thanks for that, kid. I really appreciate it. Once seated in the restaurant, I quickly called the bookstore to purchase my books over the phone. With so many people, they were sure to run out soon. I would just buy the books, get the munchkin fed, and by the time we returned, the line was sure to have died down a bit. This was brilliant, I should have planned to do this all along. Relax, order a glass of wine even! I gave my information to the lady over the phone while trying to ignore the evil stares of my fellow diners. This was an emergency people! I need Ree's book, don't you get that?? The nice lady at the bookstore then tells me I probably won't be able to get them signed, as they were going to limit that soon. Seriously?? There was nothing I could do, so my baby and I just had a nice dinner together, even with my throbbing ankle and bleeding knee and hand. Sorry to the nice couple next to us who the wee man kept throwing breadsticks at. So sorry. And I apologize for looking so disheveled, but the little seeds all over my sweater are stuck there for good.

Getting back in the car, I decided I would just drive by the bookstore one last time. If I could park somewhat close, I could at least grab my books. I knew at this point I wasn't getting to meet Ree or get my book signed. I found a parking space close by, grabbed the munchkin and limped toward the swarm of peolpe at the front door. I was told by the throngs that the books had sold out, and no, you couldn't get your book signed unless you had been given a ticket.
No ticket here, so just give me my books and get me the hell out of there. While waiting in the line, a very sweet girl in front of me turned around to say hello. Then she asked me if I had a ticket to get my book signed. And when I said no, I unfortunately didn't have one, SHE GAVE ME AN EXTRA ONE SHE HAD. Really. This really happened, I was about to pick up my three cookbooks, and now I was actually going to meet Ree and get them signed. I let out a big sigh of relief. This was all going to actually work out after all, right?! Wrong. Oh so very wrong.

I got to the front of the line, and gave the nice lady my name. It was the same one I had spoken to on the phone earlier. Oh yeah, I remember you, let me grab those for you. Then she spun around, and looked here and there, and then very slowly turned back to me. I'm so sorry, she says, but it looks like we sold your books to someone else.
You sold my books. To someone else. Perfect. Just perfect.
I'm really not even that surpised at this point. I quietly handed my ticket back to the sweet girl in front of me, smiled weakly, and walked away.

Or tried to walk away. As I elbowed my way throught he crowd, one of my contacts decided that my eye was the LAST place it wanted to be. I was able to catch it with my ninja quick moves, but squashed it beyond repair. It was not going back in my eye. Defeated, I got in my car and squintily (is that even a word?) headed toward the highway and the road to home.


So you see, it was not to be. I was not supposed to meet Ree, and I was really not supposed to own that cookbook. I hear you fates, I hear you. Loud and Clear.


P.S. Thirty minutes later and a few miles from home, I get a call from the nice lady at the bookstore. I found your books, they were just misplaced. Do you still want them?

I said yes, but I dont have very high expectations of there being three books with my name on them when I go to retrieve them from the bookstore. IF I go retrieve them.

P.P.S. There was NOTHING wrong with my card. Just something seriously wrong with my luck.

P.P.P.S. It's now a week later, and I am happy to report that when I went to pick up my cookbooks, they were actually there and paid for. And SIGNED. Thanks!!!!